 |
| Nav Bar |
| Members Login |
| Join Today |
| Whats New |
| The Old Archive |
| Video Archive |
| The Old Archive | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| All NEW Archive | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Full Video Archive | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Links Section | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Movie Reviews | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Bookmark this site today!
I saw the original Death Race awhile back and I was not only shocked how ridiculous, over the top and unabashedly violent it was but that some actual recognizable actors were in the film. It was brilliant but you couldn't believe such a film was made. This sequel of sorts, though more a remake really, tries it's best to re-create that ridiculous premise of a race that you are able and encouraged to kill the other drivers. This time though maybe to help the film go down easier for today's audience all the members of this death race are criminals and they only race within the confines of a prison. The lead protagonist though is setup and put in this prison with the purpose of taking over the main driver's car and persona. The plot really isn't the important part though and the film I think does a good job of realizing that and getting to the point of the racing. The race has one aspect of it that makes it like Mario Kart where you actually drive over sensors that trigger either defensive weapons or attacking weapons. Basically varying racing deaths occur and for the most part I enjoyed myself. I give this movie 3 and 3 quarter stars!
¾
Any Nudity? No.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars:
No not Episode 2, that was Attack of the Clones, this here is a new animated movie that is being used as a setup and a introduction to the cartoon series that is about to come out. The animation unfortunately looks low budget, and it does hurt the movie at the end of the day. But I did enjoy myself for the most part, it's basically non-stop action(like the new movies should've been) with some plot elements involving Anakin's young alien apprentice and a whole Jabba the Hut stolen child angle as well as most of the characters from the new movies sprinkled in. What you start realizing as you go this is, as I've mentioned already, is that this movie is being used to setup the cartoon series, so a lot of the potentially dramatic elements lose their tension as you know none of the main characters, whether they be good or evil, will die, instead they will live on in this new cartoon. Overall I didn't hate it, I liked it, but I think Lucas missed a good chance here in really going all out with this film and instead you are left feeling a little like you just watched what should've been, and maybe was intended to be originally, a tv movie. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
The Dark Knight:
I'm not a huge Batman fan but I have to say this is the best Batman movie I've seen. The Joker, played by Heath Ledger, is the obvious highlight and consistently hits the right note frequently in insanity. The story arch involving Two-Face is real interesting too and overall everything in the movie was done well made me a slightly bigger fan of the Batman character. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No
Hellboy 2: Golden Army:
A short review is this movie has amazing special effects, amazing characters, but they've completely emmasculated Hellboy, given him just bad line after bad line, and lost all the coolness of Hellboy that was persistently there in the first film. It's a shame since so much of this movie works, except for the most important part the Hellboy character. I still give it 3 stars though.
Any Nudity? Nope
Wall-E:
Another Pixar movie that just happens to look great, be charming as all heck, and really cement what should already be obvious that these guys make probably the best kids movies out there. Wall-E doesn't say much but you are always aware of his emotions and he's driven into a epic space love affair with a much more advanced robot. He eventually finds himself on a space station where most of the humans from earth live and have every need given to them resulting in them all being fat asses. The movie is funny and touching and while maybe not the best Pixar movie is up there with the best. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No
The Incredible Hulk:
New Hulk, new cast. Here Bruce Banner is trying to find a cure while being hunted by the american government. The one big knock against the first film is that there was very little Hulk, in fact no Hulk for the first hour. Here they get to the Hulk a bit more quickly. I've heard a lot of people say this Hulk is better because of that, but I actually thought no Hulk moment in this film matched the Hulk moments in the first film. Though the battle at the end was at least better than that odd Hulk vs. father oddness in the first film. Also as much as they might have a better actor playing the lead roll I didn't think he brought anything more to the part, also I actually hated Liv Tyler as the love interest. The general and his cronie were interesting . The best part though was the crazy scientist trying to help Banner, that guy actually saved the movie in my opinion. Overall it's a enjoyable ride with some nice Hulk action but ultimately an average film. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:
Indy's back! And apparantly people care. Personally I liked the second movie, but in general have never been a big fan. This movie is really catering to fans of the film, a few old cast members return to brighten their days. In general this movie is just plain stupid. I get it, the Indy movies were never serious, but this movie wittles down to nothing more than big set pieces and non stop cheesy dialogue to suffer through. It's not horrible, there are a couple scenes that work real well, most notably the fire ant part, but this movie expects too much for the viewer to already be taken in with the lead character and I just plain am not. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian:
I really liked the first film, the combination of fantasy beasts and english charm worked. This movie is pretty good but also takes a dark turn, some humans have apparantly taken over Narnia and are basically the bad guys of the film while the rest of the creatures join forces to defend themselves. Then the kids come to help them defend the Narnian creatures. I liked the action sequences and the overall flow of the film, but it's not as good as the first film. Overall I enjoy this series of films much more than the Harry Potter films. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Not a bit
Semi-Pro:
I personally loved Talladega Nights, but hated Blades of Glory. Semi-Pro is somewhere near Blades of Glory. It's sometimes hilarious but also misses the mark repeatedly. It ultimately feels like a movie that not too much thought was put in, they were just happy Will Ferrell accepted the roll and hoped he'd save a lame script. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes
Iron Man:
Another year and more superheroes are getting their time to shine on the big screen. In this one Robert Downy Jr. plays a weapons manufacturer, who is basically the Bill Gates of building weapons and has one of the brightest scientific minds to boot. He gets captured in the middle east and after building a 'iron man' to escape has an epiphany he wants to do good and not make weapons anymore. Also some other stuff happens that I won't give away. But pretty much Robert Downy has a lot of funny lines and it's cool seeing the process of the upgraded iron man suits being built and his relationship with the other characters in the movie. This movie is funny and has a lot of cool moments. Definitely one of the better superhero movies to come out in awhile, while movies like X-Men and Spiderman have been getting progressively worse with each film. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
88 Minutes:
In this movie Al Pacino is a psychologist who spends 88 minutes getting calls saying he is going to die after the 88 minutes are up. He gets help from some of his students as he tries to stop his death from happening while one of his students is in on it which he also tries to figure out which student it is. It's a very contrived storyline and reminds of similar time limit movies and tv shows, and ends up feeling a bit like a rip off. The movie isn't that bad, but it wasn't that great either. I give this movie 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Leatherheads:
This movie is a comical sort of satirical telling of the creation of professional football. Rather than go for realism the movie basically tells the story sort of like a movie made in the 40s might tell the story, in more of a prettied up reality than a gritty true to life reality. It's all very tongue and cheek but still manages to stay interesting till the end. Most of all it's a comedy and a pretty decent one. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Resurrecting The Champ:
Here a son of a famous sports writer tries to make a bigger name for himself by telling the story of a famous boxer who is down on his luck to the point where he's a bum walking the streets. The boxer/bum is played by Samuel L Jackson and gives a very good performance and has a very cool accent that sells the roll. Some other stuff happens that causes some trouble for the writer that I won't get into but overall this is a decent film. It definitely doesn't look like it has a strong budget and while the movie is interesting it wasn't incredible. I'd recommend it however. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story:
This is a movie that doesn't know what it wants to be. When it's trying to be a Spinal Tap movie where it's sort of a hyper realism it's great, but when it gets into the goofy, Naked Gun type stuff the movie just plain falls on it's face. This movie is basically the story of singer as he goes through his entire career from little boy to old man and all the trials and tribulations he experiences. There's definitely some good humor here but just when you start getting that tingling you sometimes feel in a epic story the movie tosses in the most nonsensical scene to just throw you off the journey. The movie in the end I wouldn't recommend. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
There Will Be Blood:
In this movie a quirky kinda demented fellow takes up oil mining in the late 1800s and early 1900s. He's sorta a theif, sorta a mobster, but not quite. If anything he just takes advantage of people and intimidates people and is generally just a very angry person who hates being around people. There's a lot of making fun of religion in this movie, to the point of bashing it, sometimes even literally. The man also raises a boy who he parades around giving the impression to people he's actually a better person than he is. It's all really an interesting mixture of social anxiety, being emotionless and not caring about his fellow human beings that makes for an interesting and entertaining film. I give this 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Uhmmm. I don't think so.
Rambo:
Rambo's back, and I for one wish he wasn't back. I thought Rocky Balboa was at least a well thought out script, for Rambo however Stallone clearly didn't wait for the right script, basically you could put any character in this movie and it would've felt the same. For the most part Rambo says a lot of stuff that I guess is supposed to sound cool, but ends up being ridiculously cheesy. The action scenes are downright ridiculous. I'm all for gore, but the amount of limbs blowing off and over the top violence just didn't work at all. None of it seemed realistic, it's as if everyone was made out of clay. The storyline is basically about Rambo taking a group of bible thumpers to a really dangerous location. And of course they end up in danger. That's pretty much it. I think if this wasn't 'Rambo' I might give it a better score, but I just wasn't feeling how all over the place this movie was. Some of the scenes were interesting in how brutal the "Burmese pirates" were though. I give this 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Cloverfield:
To put it simply this is Godzilla from the human perspective. It's all shot as if one guy is running around with a hand held camera and for the most part the movie is that much cooler for it. The movie starts out setting up the people that are carrying this camera then the creature attacks as they try to run away at first then go back into the heart of the city to rescue someone. It's really amazing the epic scale this movie delivers while still maintaining that one guy holding a camera feel. This is far better than simply remaking another Godzilla movie(btw the creature isn't actually Godzilla) and I think has instantly become one of my favorite films. 4 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
No Country For Old Men:
In this movie a very cool serial killer runs amock in a small southern town. It starts off with a guy stumbling upon what appears to be a drug deal gone wrong in the desert and finds a bag of money he takes. The serial killer is kinda a hired gun except the people doing the hiring didn't realize what a whackjob they hired. The serial killer has a cool sounding voice and basically spends his time carrying threatening conversations with people and of course killing a lot of them. There's some degree of comedy to the movie, but it's generally a dark film. I wasn't completely into the movie though, at times the movie drags and a lot of it didn't make a hell of a lot of sense. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Juno:
This is a funny movie about a 16 year old girl who gets pregnant and decides to give it away to adoptive parents. This movie has a similar vibe to Superbad, but more chick focussed than guy focussed. Most of the personalities are interesting in this movie from the adoptive parents, to the father of Juno's baby, to Juno's parents, to her friends, they all are a quirky and at times hilarious group. If there's one fault, and it has more to do with my ADD personality, is sometimes it feels like there's nothing but dialogue you're sitting through, but it is great dialogue. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem:
This sequel leaves off where the last film left off, basically a Alien jutting out of a Predator. What happens is the Alien causes the ship to crash land back on earth and then the Aliens start breeding and infesting earth. Then another Predator gets some sort of message this happens and flies to earth to kill the Aliens. Then of course there's the obligatory human element with their own stories surrounding it. I pretty much thought the first one was horrible, and this one I'd say is a less focussed, basically it amounts to little more than a Friday of the 13th or Halloween movie, namely the later ones where they ran out of ideas. The ending though does seem to indicate that they are going to go for a more epic nature to their next film. One character in this film has a Sigourney Weaver quality to her and I think the next film will involve them going out into space. Kinda like a prequel to the Alien movies, except we aren't there yet, and they'll probably screw that up as much as these first two movies. I give this movie one and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Beowulf:
This is a movie about the greatest hero in all the land that can slay demons and rip the heart from dragons and bed any woman he wishes, or something like that. Basically Beowulf thinks a lot of himself, and has no fear, and seeks the fame and notoriety that comes from the actions he takes. Overall the movie is pretty cool, though I thought suffered from being a CGI movie. Basically they tried real hard to go for realism but there didn't seem much point to having this movie animated other than doing it for the sake of doing it. The characters in the movie are cool and it is the kind of movie that leaves you pumped up after watching it. Overall I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, animated though.
I Am Legend:
In this movie Will Smith is the last person on earth in a world consumed with a virus that turns humans into insane animals. Will Smith is also a scientist, trying to find a cure while he runs/drives around New York with his trusty dog in tow. For the most part the relationship between Smith and his dog is the best part of the movie. Other than that this movie has a very, complete rip off of 28 days later feel to it. Overall I'd say the movie is engaging, but in the end subpar, as the enemies aren't original or interesting. A bit of a let down overall, but it had enough moments. I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Live Free or Die Hard:
I've never been the biggest fan of the Die Hard movies, they're ok, well the first one was anyways, but I've never really cared about the main character. In this Die Hard it tells the story of a hacker trying to take down the US, and Bruce Willis basically trying to protect a different hacker while trying to save the world. For the most part this movie widdles down to a bad story and stupid premise surrounded by some cool action sequences and Bruce Willis(or John Maclean, the character he plays) acting as shocked as we are that he survived the ridiculous situations he's put in. I have to say one story line I hate is when they overly involve hackers, sometimes it's ok, but sometimes it seems like the film makers are trying too hard to be very hip and in tune with tech culture. Overall I thought this movie was just average. I give this 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Resident Evil: Extinction:
For the most part the Resident Evil films have been at least decent, and for the most part this movie follows suit. Milla Jovovich I think has been and still is the best part of these movies, her quirky portrayal of a woman who's the ultimate zombie killing soldier makes you both feel for her and care about her. The other characters for the most part widdle down to not much more than cartoon characters though. In this film the world has basically been taken over by zombies and Umbrella(the evil corporation responsible for the zombie epidemic) is busy in their underground lairs trying to figure out a cure for the problem while some humans try their best to survive topside. The trailers of this film didn't do much to get me interested in this film, but the movie I'd say is at least better than I thought it would be. Some people from the previous movies return, but they are pretty much there for the sake of being there, and don't really add much to the story, except for the scientist. I thought the action flowed well and the ending was somewhat fullfilling. And not to give anything away but I am interested in seeing the sure to come sequel. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, a little bit of Milla titty.
American Gangster:
This is a movie about a black coke dealer from the 70s(I think) and a cop that's trying to take him down. It starts out kinda slow, and a bit confusing, but it does sort of get into the epic nature the film is shooting for, the movie is sort of going for a Godfather or Scarface vibe. This is supposed to be based on a true story which is what saves the movie at times, it is sort of hit or miss in the end though. It's deffinately a cool, engaging story with some great characters, but it has it's share of moments that made me yawn instead of being a great rollercoaster ride of stuff happening. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yep, lot of naked coke whores and some not quite coke whores.
Halloween:
This is a re-telling of the original, first, Halloween movie. Rob Zombie directs and a lot of the actors he used in his first two films make cameos here. The movie spends about the first half on Micheal Myers(the villain of the film) in his childhood and shows how he became a serial killer and his first killings, a psychiatrist also plays a big role as he tries to study and understand Micheal's way of being. The killings in this movie are very gritty, there's a very realistic natural to them that will really make your skin crawl, not a lot of, if any, campy killing. For the most part it all flows well and probably ranks right at the top of all the Halloween movies, and in the horror genre even. I was never a big Halloween fan, but this movie is very well done and has made me a fan. There is also a TON of Nudity in this film, sure it's all surrounded in death, but it's there and it is good stuff. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, quite a lot of it!
The Bourne Ultimatum:
I was a big fan of the first two movies, Matt Damon's portrayal of a emotionless guy who is basically the world's best at just about everything having to do with killing, going undercover and assessing a situation and knowing exactly what to do made for a very cool ride. This third one really assumes you have seen those two movies, and that they are still in your head, and for the most part I had forgetten a lot of what had happened so it is a bit confusing at first. I'd almost suggest watching the other movies right before seeing this one to get a refresher course on the history even though they do attempt to tell some of it in uncomfortable flashbacks. I'd say there isn't really a great sequence of Bourne doing his thing till about an hour and 10 minutes in, the movie's pace is a little bit too slow. Overall I enjoyed the film but mainly the last third of it. If you are unfamiliar with this series Bourne is basically a guy who has no memory of who or what he is and a big government agency is trying to take him down based on all the knowledge he acquired before he completely lost his memory. Basically they should just leave him alone, but they refuse to, and Bourne is not one to be messed with. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No sir
The Simpsons Movie:
Are you sick of the Simpsons tv show yet? No? Well... ok then. Whether you are or aren't if you've ever been a fan of the cartoon you are probably interested to see what they'll do with a movie. For the most part the movie is funny and they try to fill the movie with a lot of the characters from the show on screen at a time. This movie is basically about Homer screwing the people of Springfield with some other stuff going on with the government and generally Homer acting his regular selfish self. Homer is really the focal point, and while I think the tv show has been crap for awhile this movie at least has enough funny and not much of the really bad stuff from the newer tv shows, namely really bad premises and completely horrible attempts at pop culture humor. Overall though the movie isn't great, but it has enough of the good Simpsons charm that make it worth watching if you're at least a little bit into the Simpsons. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, Bart...
Transformers:
It's finally here, the live action Transformers movie! And I have to say right off the bat, completely lived up to my expectations, and surpassed them. The robots are shown from a very human perspective, making the robots look like the giant hulking beasts of metal they are. When each key robot makes their appearance it's a great sight to see and hear. For the most part the robots look great and their transformations look great, and their voices, outside of maybe a couple notables like Megatron, are as perfect as from the G1 cartoons. The robots are also chalk full of attitude and interact with each other in much the same way you might remember. The humans aren't too bad either, the girl is especially hot, though if I were to make one knock on the movie is that for the most part the movie is goofy in a perfect way, until it tips the scale to too goofy. It doesn't ruin the movie, but I did find myself groaning a few times. Overall the action sequences just kick ass and I don't know how a fan of the old cartoons can not like this movie. This is deffinately a movie I want to watch again and again. 4 and a half stars!
½
Any Nudity? No.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres:
It's my opinion if you are going to make a movie based on a tv show it should at the very least feel like the ultimate episode of that tv show. The appeal of the show is it's a mess of non-sensical things meshed together in brilliant hillarious fashion. Each show is about 10 minutes long and is perfect, this movie is one and a half hours long and... well it's funny. This movie deffinately has a lot of laughs, but it hits on a lot of what already happened in the tv show. I mean think to yourself the first time you saw the 'Moon Men', awesome episode right? And then the next time they appeared? Still funny, but not quite as amazing. The problem with this movie is it doesn't try anything new, it's just a bunch of characters and premises you are familiar with that are regurgitated. In the end it doesn't really work too well, except for a rare instance of brilliance. Still funny just... a little deja-vu feeling. 3 and a quarter stars.
¼
Any Nudity? No.
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer:
Well the first Fantastic 4 sucked, and guess what? They managed to make a worse sequel. Barely anything works in this movie, it's one annoying premise after another. For the most part the Silver Surfer is a cool character and the Human Torch has his moments, but I still can't believe how lame the Thing still is, there's not one scene with the Thing in it that works, and he's in a lot of them as you'd expect. The plotline flows in a very non-realistic way, situations come up with very odd reactions to them. And one of the biggest let downs is Galactus who is in the movie, is nothing more than a storm cloud... just a complete cop out. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Naked flaming Jessica Alba!... yeah you don't really see anything.
28 Weeks Later:
In this sequel to 28 days later the virus thought dead is back for more. It starts off with the rebuilding of UK, and people slowly migrating back while they continue to clean up the mess the plague brought(basically all the dead bodies). There's a whole twisted family element that is really sadistic. There's a lot of really gross moments and some crazy camera work and cuts that will drive you up the wall. It has some cool action but when it slows down for some 'story' it's kinda painful to sit through, but when it ramps up again it's good again. It's kinda a zombie movie except the zombies are some fast mothers. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Spider-Man 3:
Spidey is back, this time with three villains. There's a bunch of love story stuff here and as a result a lot of Peter Parker. The movie is very rich in sappy moments and corny moments, the other movies had them, but I think with all the characters they kinda had to rush through things and a lot of it seemed really forced and made me groan. The three villains are Sandman who I would consider the best done both storywise and effects wise, then there's Venom who I think suffers the most in that they kinda rushed through him and in the end he felt like just a bit character, and not the huge part he should be. Then there's the son of the Green Goblin, who becomes mini-goblin and really it's a necessary character based on what happened in the previous movies but in the end the whole story arc surrounding him I thought was forced and lame, without getting into too much detail about it. At any rate the movie has it's fair share of hilarious moments and the action scenes are great, the Sandman is just unbelievable to see on-screen. Overall though I'd probably rate this as the worst Spider-Man movie but I loved the other two so that's not really a bad thing. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
TMNT:
I was a big fan of the Turtles when I was a kid, the movies were great, though admittedly only the first one was really that great. I even started to catch some of the newer cartoons and liked them, then they went into the future which was a horrible move. Anyways this movie plays out much like one of the new pre-future cartoons have, and follows the same basic story of Shredder being dead, a girl being the leader of 'the foot' while attempting to inject new alien type beings into the mix. For the most part I enjoyed the little bits of drama and the movie as a whole, but in the end it's really just a good episode of the television show. It doesn't really have that epic nature a movie needs to have. Apparantly the next movie will have Shredder but as for this movie I think it's worth watching, but you should probably wait for it to come out on the movie network, not really worth going to the movies to see. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
300:
This is a movie about 300 Spartans that stood against the might of a invading army while all the Spartans left at home debated if they should help them out. The movie shows how the Spartans are taught from birth to fight and live their lives through the hardships of training till they reach adulthood. This movie though isn't trying to be historically accurate, as some fantasy elements like weird creatures are mixed in. The fight scenes in this movie are really great and show the skill of the Spartans. The stuff back at home was just slow and dull, with only one interesting moment. It's a shame they couldn't make the drama work at home since it really takes away from the movie as a whole. This movie reminds me of the tv show Rome in terms of the vibe, but personally I find the tv show Rome just better in every way. This movie has a bunch of female nude scenes right at the start which are nice. Overall I really wanted to love this movie, but in the end I merely like it. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes there was
Ghost Rider:
I read the Ghost Rider comic as a kid, though honestly I don't remember much about it. This movie shows that Ghost Rider is a cool character, with a good backstory, but what this movie ain't is a good movie. The emotional moments don't really hit and Ghost Rider as cool as he looks on screen the stuff he does is kinda boring. The villain in this movie is really bad, not the devil who is kinda interesting but the son who acts like a spoiled brat and does nothing that makes him seem even a little bit threatening. This movie just doesn't work on many levels. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
Rocky Balboa:
I was a fan of all five Rockys so me liking this film is no surprise, but I think a lot of people will be shocked by just how great the script for this latest Rocky film is. It's very much like the first one and clicks with the same emotional punch. There's a big fight for your dreams message throughout the film, there's also a good amount of laughs. When Rocky begins his training to fight Mason Dixon, the current champ, it's done in a perfect way with Apollo Creed's old trainer giving one hell of a pumping up speech. Great holiday film, 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No
Borat:
One of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. I couldn't stop laughing for at least the first 20 minutes of the film. I started to hurt from it! This movie is about 60 percent made up and 40 percent real life stuff like what he does on the Ali G show. But the 60 percent made up stuff is funny, think Borat doing some naked wrestling with a obese man who is also naked and simulating 69 during the fight funny. 4 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes
Gridiron Gang:
In this movie The Rock makes a football team out of a bunch of young criminals to attempt to rehabilitate them. It's got some cool moments and isn't overly positive. Gang violence happens all around them as they struggle to keep focussed on being a football team. It's based on a true story I think. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
The Covenant:
This movie is about a group of kids with special powers. Basically everything they would think to do they can do. The problem though is using their powers makes them age quicker. The movie doesn't really offer much explanation, though I guess it tries to paint a picture of why things are as they are throughout the film, though it's never really that clear. A evil guy with the same powers comes in to try to wreck their lives for whatever reason. There's this forced love story that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, they fall in love after about 2 dates that didn't amount to much. Overall there is some really cool moments involving the powers but generally the movie just doesn't click. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Girl in a shower, but can't really see anything.
Crossover:
This movie tells the story of two good basketball players and a street basketball league headed by some kind of mob boss who just happens to be Wayne Brady. One of the basketball players shows a very high level of talent and the mob boss, who isn't really a mob boss but that's what I'm calling him in this review for some reason... wants to either a) manage him as a NBA player or b) have him be a poster child for his street league. The basketball player doesn't want to do either. There's also a sorta love story between two girls the guys meet. Anyways not to give too much away I have to say that I really liked this movie, it was made well and is a refreshing change from a lot of the average movies that have a similar setting. There's good camera work and the story is written well. 3 and a half stars
½
Any Nudity? No
Accepted:
In this movie a guy doesn't get accepted to college. Rather than going on with his life he decides to set up a fake college so that his parents will get off his back. He not only makes a fake acceptance letter he also leases out a building and due to a too believable website he sets up he then gets a slew of students to the fake college who also are a bunch of people that couldn't get into any other college. The movie plays out like Animal House in a way where they have a little war with a frat at a REAL college. Overall the guy and his friends who set up this fake college spend a lot of time and effort trying to keep this scam going whilst eventually inspiring themselves to actually try to give their fake students a real/fake education. Overall it works on some level but is also a movie that doesn't feel very original. It's predictable. The biggest problem is the 'jokes' aren't that funny. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? nope!
Snakes on a Plane:
This movie is about snakes on a plane. If you haven't already rushed out to your local theatre after that synopsis then I'll continue. Here a guy witnesses a murder and Sam Jackson, a FBI agent, saves him from his would be demise. They go on a plane heading to LA(from Hawaii) where the guy plans to testify against the murderers. But the murderers have a plan see, it's to put... snakes on a plane! It's ingenious really, find a way to put snakes on a plane then also lace all the leighs people are wearing(they are coming from Hawaii remember) with a pheromone that drives the snakes crazy. Also to top it off they place a very tiny bomb that isn't enough to damage the plane at all, but it is enough to release the snakes onto the plane so they can run amock. Overall this movie is fun, and is a little sadistic. It works as a mindless thriller and has a very B-movie vibe. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? YES!
Talladega Nights:
This movie is really funny, Will Ferrel and his Nascar buddies have a very Southern slightly retarded attitude amongst themselves that fits perfectly. The movie takes a lot of jabs at the South and Nascar but manages to click on all accounts to make it all seem real on some surreal level. You can just imagine people do act like these characters do, though maybe some of the more ridiculous moments aren't quite so realistic. Generally I laughed my ass off throughout the whole film. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
John Tucker Must Die:
This is a movie about a group of girls that try to get revenge on the most popular boy in school by getting a new girl to date him then break his heart like he did to them. Basically the girls fail miserably time and time again as John Tucker is just that charming that he can turn almost any negative into a positive. Overall it has some funny moments but it's really just a dumb movie with a sorry premise aimed at girls. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Miami Vice:
In a remake of the classic television show Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell reprise the roles of the Miami cop team. Here they go undercover for a drug kingpin and amist screwing some chicks try to take him down. It was a little odd not to hear the old classic tune at any point during the film, but whatever. Overall I got kinda bored during the movie, it's a little too laid back and convenient a film, nothing here feels that fresh and seems like a desperate attempt to create a new franchise off of a familiar name. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Close, but not quite.
Clerks 2:
If there's one thing Kevin Smith knows how to do it's movie's with Jay and Silent Bob in them... actually that's all he does come to think of it. In this move Dante's 'Quick Stop' burns down so he goes to work for 'Moobie's' with his friend Randal and plans to move away from New Jersey with his girlfriend. Dante is really just a douche, the main characters to watch here are Randal with his blunt thoughts on the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Star Wars, and his love for a good Donkey sex show. And of course Jay and Silent Bob who basically spend the time dancing to songs and generally acting like pervy nuts. Rosario Dawson is the boss/love interest to Dante(though not his girlfriend) and she's basically a fun girl who Dante is having trouble leaving behind. Overall the movie hits where it counts, the laughs, and while the plot wasn't that great I am a big fan of the old Clerks movie and this is a good sequel to that. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? A See-Through.
My Super Ex Girlfriend:
I went into this movie expecting to hate it, but it's actually not that bad. Uma Thurman, aka Superman as a girl, basically is a very heroic superhero by day, but a nerdy, slightly crazy, girl in her personal life. She basically gets REALLY attached to her boyfriend, played by Luke Wilson, who then dumps her and she basically makes his life a living hell... putting his car into outerspace, punching a hole in his ceiling, that sort of thing. The movie really is a comedy with some somewhat violent sex scenes. Think Superman as a emotional wreck of a girl and you have a fairly good idea of what this movie is about. There's also some side things with a slightly evil ex-boyfriend of the Super Ex Girlfriend and the woman she thinks his boyfriend wants. The effects are a bit of a downer, they deffinately didn't go all out for this movie, deffinately the kind of effects you'd expect to see on tv, not in a movie. But the movie is funny. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Not much, actually none.
You, Me and Dupree:
Am I the only one sick of Owen Wilson? It's like watching the same movie over and over again with this guy. Anyways basically in this movie Owen Wilson is the best friend of this newly married guy who his wife hates, but his wife then starts liking him after Owen basically destroys the house. It's pretty much slightly funny gags around a horrible story. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No sir.
A Scanner Darkly:
This is one of those movies that tries to be artistic in the vein of a Being John Malkovich or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Here it's a weird world where undercover agents wear these weird suits that constantly change their appearance yet the people they are investigating are themselves. Pretty much Keanu Reeves is part of this group that is addicted to this drug called 'D' that distorts their reality, makes them see things and perceive the world in a different way. The movie is shot in this weird cell shaded look that gives everything and everybody a cartoonish look. Woody Harrelson and Robert Downey Jr. are part of Keanu's little gang and they are hillarious as they overreact and generally act in a odd manner with very odd ideas of what make sense. The highlight of this movie is probably Winona Ryder getting topless! A great moment in filmmaking. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yep.
Little Man:
Here a very tiny thief acts like a baby to try to get back the diamond that he left in a couple's bag while he was trying to get away from the cops. The 'Little Man' is basically a small body with Marlon Wayans' face digitally put on to it. For the most part it looks like a digital head on a small body, so the effects aren't that great. But the movie is fairly funny even though the premise is on very shakey ground. He pretty much spends the movie not being able to escape the gaze of his 'adopted' parents, while slowly starting to fall in love with them to the point he starts caring more about them than the diamond. The movie's good moments come when the 'little man' starts reverting to his gangster ways and starts acting tough and macking on the adult chicks. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest:
I wasn't a huge fan of the first one, but this one I liked. The creatures look cool and the story is less by the number than the last one was. Actually the storyline is a bit confusing, but for the most part it's entertaing. In this one it starts out almost immediately after the last one ended. Orlando Bloom's character and Keira Knightley's are arrested but they are allowed out to try to get Captain Jack Sparrow's(Johnny Depp's) compass. Davey Jones, some dude with tentacles growing out of his face, is after Jack to collect on his debt for letting him use the Black Pearl pirate ship. There's basically a lot of sword fighting and some cool giant octopus sequences while varies parties try to get to a chest with Davey Jones' heart in it. Overall it's entertaining and worth going to but I'm not exactly anticipating the sequel that's sure to come. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
The Devil Wears Prada:
In this movie a girl(Anne Hathaway) goes to work for a woman(Meryl Streep) who has a lot of power in the fashion industry, who runs a magazine and has a whole slew of people around her trying to impress her by doing every thing that is asked of them. Anne Hathaway basically spends her time getting calls for her boss and doing every ridiculous, and not so ridiculous, task that is asked of her the second it's asked. This ends up affecting her friendships and her relationships as she slowly realizes she's losing her identity. The movie has a good share of laughs and the 'I'm better than you' attitude of the boss is entertaining. Overall there isn't much to this movie but it has it's moments. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Superman Returns: An IMAX 3D Experience:
Superman is back, and instead of going through the retelling of his origin AGAIN this is kinda a sequel to the original movies. The movie even opens with the classic credits jutting out at you and theme. Though while this movie does assume you already know who Superman is it also brings a mess of new things to the table that is pretty confusing. Lex Luthor for one knows just about everything about Superman, his home world, whatever, so it gives you a sense that there is a looong history here that was skipped over. One thing different is noone knows who Superman is... yet, at least I think so, I mean Superman did date Lois Lane but for whatever the reason Superman telling Lois he's Clark Kent has yet to happen. There's a couple other differences, but I won't get into everything. Basically in this movie Superman comes back to earth after about a 5 year long trip back to his homeworld. The people of course are happy he's back as he begins saving them in a variety of ways. When Superman is being Superman it's a very cool ride, when he's Clark Kent he's basically doing a Christopher Reeves impression, it's the exact same performance. Lex Luthor is extra evil now, not so humorous as he was before, though not completely humorless either. The dialogue in this movie was hit or miss, at times I was bored, most of the between Superman bits I was getting a tinge of malaise. The ending especially I thought just dragged and dragged when it should've just ended earlier. Overall I liked it, and I have high hopes for a sequel. As for the 'IMAX 3D Experience' I attended, basically certain parts were in 3D but a very odd 3d, I felt like I had double vision. Maybe my glasses were broke, but I don't think so, though I don't know that the movie would've been any better watching the regular version of Superman, basically what you get is a sense of perspective and certain things are closer to you. So it was alright I guess. I give the movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope!
Waist Deep:
This movie tells the story of a man living in a ghetto who gets not only his car but his son stolen. He then tries to raise the $100,000 the kidnappers are asking for by going on a crime spree with a girl who actually played a part in the kidnapping... so that's a little odd. The entire movie is actually fairly boring, there's nothing inventive in the writing and while they are trying to be dramatic it all seems very familiar. I don't recommend this. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Click:
In this movie Adam Sandler is a impatient guy who gets a remote control that can control time. He can pause, fast forward, even pull up a commentary on things that happened in his life voiced by James Earl Jones. He can't rewind though, which is where he runs into problems. His wife, two kids, grandparents and boss play a big part in this movie. The movie has it's funny moments and the menu options of the remote are particularly cool. I found it actually pretty touching near the end. The movie sort of has a 'Time Machine' or 'Butterfly Effect' vibe to it, though of course not exactly like either. Overall I enjoyed myself and would recommend it. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
This is of course the sequel to the other two racing movies. Paul Walker is gone and now a new white guy takes center stage who is also very good at racing, and is basically a fuck up who keeps getting into legal trouble. In his latest trouble with the law his Mom sends him to live with his Dad in Tokyo. There of course, he gets into illegal racing again, on his first day. He challenges some guy to a race, but little does he know it's a DRIFTING race, so he basically crashes some guy's car. Then he gets involved in the yakuza mob. It's all fairly ludicrous but it is a fun movie. It's at least far better than the last one, though I'd say the first one was better. Tokyo is a cool place and it's interesting to see in essence the same premise but with the asian style. It kept my interest and had some fairly cool moments. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Unfortunately no.
Nacho Libre:
This movie is kinda funny, though more confusing and odd than anything. Jack Black's spanish accent is very inconsistent, to the point of distraction. I kinda think this movie would be better without Jack Black, he mugs the camera so much that you can't help thinking 'that's Jack Black', he doesn't really do a good job of selling the roll. The movie is about a Monk/Priest who takes part in Spanish wrestling matches(Lucha Libre) to both gain fame and earn money for the orphanage he grew up in. He meets up with this skinny crazy guy who he ends up convincing to be his tag team partner. The movie also runs on the premise that the wrestling matches are real. Nacho Libre is funny enough, but it has it's fair share of problems and yawn inducing moments. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
United 93:
This is a movie about the flight on 9/11 that never made it to it's target. Instead the passengers attacked the terrorists and the plane went down in a field. It's a touching story and shows the bravery of the passengers but you wish they had done so sooner, but of course then the threat of terrorists on American soil wasn't as big a concern so it took them awhile to finally agree to attack the terrorists. It's weird that this movie was made so soon, but it was deffinately a well done movie. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Over the Hedge:
This is a cartoon movie about a racoon who has to find all the food he trashed from a hibernating bear and cons a group of animals to steal the food for him from the suburbs. It's a funny movie and has some cool animation though the plot seems like it's been told a few too many times. You know, person tries to do a bad thing, person cons people, then person starts loving the people he's conning. But I guess a kids movie isn't supposed to be that deep... Basically a nice movie for the kids that the adults will find some humor with. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
X-Men 3: The Last Stand:
Well it was bound to happen, another X-Men movie gets made. I liked the first two, but this sequel is really getting lazy with the license. Simply added a couple new mutants isn't enough for me. We need a new super villain, since Magneto isn't really cutting it anymore. The movie starts out great, with what I've said this sequel should be, I won't give it away but lets just say the enemies are giant, and metallic ;). But it's not exactly happening, well I guess I've said too much already, but it's cool for the short time it lasts. The rest of the movie basically centers around a boy who can take away mutant's power who the US goverment has a hold of, Magneto trying to put a stop to that, and the Phoenix(formerly Jean Gray) becoming the most powerful mutant there is. When Phoenix uses her powers, it's awesome, but the rest is fairly yawn inducing. There are some decent action sequences but the X-Men license is going to continue to get stale if they keep relying on just adding a couple new mutants. There's a lot of death in this movie, but something tells me they'll find a way to revive the key characters for the next movie. Most of the time the X-Men seem like they are half using their powers, they need a major problem for them to really unleash some hell. Lets hope for the best with X-Men 4, but if they don't take it to the next level for the next movie they might as well just retire the franchise. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No. Though Rebecca Romijn gets close.
Mission Impossible 3:
This movie starts off great, but then the movie does one of those things that tells you what led up to getting to that point. And really, nothing is as good as that first scene. Basically Ethan Hunt(Tom Cruise) has sort of quit being a field agent for awhile and got married. He then goes back into the field and encounters a sadistic enemy who then uses Ethan's wife against him to get what he want, and revenge. The movie has some interesting action elements and some drama but overall it was a bit of letdown. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Stick it!:
This is a movie about Gymnastics. About the rough and tumble world of it and how the judging apparantly sucks in it. The movie stars Haley who is a ex-pro gymnast with some problems who is forced back into it by a court order. She then attempts to change the very stern and strict rules of gymnastics. This is deffinately a chick movie, it has a decent amount of laughs but a lot of the movie gave me a sense of 'I really don't care enough about gymnastics to like or really get this movie'. A pretty average movie all around, 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Scary Movie 4:
This movie starts out pretty well and is fairly funny, I haven't seen a couple of the movies they are spoofing here so some of it was a bit confusing. At the very least this Scary Movie is better than the horrible last two, but after the half way point I got kinda bored. I would say the biggest laughs come from stuff that weren't even scary movies. The Brokeback Mountain stuff was funny, the George Bush spoofing was funny and the end with the Tom Cruise on Oprah spoof cracked me up. Overall this movie isn't that great though, but even though it didn't stay consistent at least it had a few laughs. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
V for Vendetta:
This movie is a Big Brotherish movie set in the future where the US is apparantly caught in nonstop civil war and Britain is some sort of totalitarian government that is also the new superpower. 'V' the hero of this movie is some kind of poetic hero that wants to bring down this government. Natalie Portman is some chick caught up in the whole mess after V saves her. Overall it's a cool movie with a very british style to it. The Big Brother angle I've seen many times before in movies that I'm almost bored by it but I guess it's the only way this movie could work. Deffinately the first decent movie in awhile. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Dead people nudity I think.
Brokeback Mountain:
This is pretty much what you may have heard, a gay cowboy movie. But it's not gay cowboys from the 1800s like I thought it's modern day gay cowboys. Anyways this movie basically tells the story of how the two cowboys met up and fell in love and goes through about 20 years of life where they basically have to keep their little love affair a secret while having wives and children on the side. It's a very well told story and has some touching moments. For those uneasy about seeing a movie about two gay cowboys Anne Hathaway and Michelle Williams are both nude, and in the case of Ms. Hathaway it's a very welcome sight :) But this movie is basically a love story not often told and it's really not that uncomfortable to see two guys making out... well ok maybe a tad. I give Brokeback Mountain 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, both male and female!
King Kong:
This is a movie about a big ape kicking ass left and right while finding true love with a human girl. The movie does a real good job of making King Kong look big, at least at the start, and overall King Kong is just cool as he kicks Tyranosaurus ass and stomps on pesky humans. The one low point I thought was the long extended moments between Kong and Naomi Watts, I already 'got it' that they dug each other when Naomi stopped being scared of Kong, they didn't need to drive the point into the ground. The movie sometimes comes across as Peter Jackson just went nuts with the budget he had and just threw every possible angle of fights at us, which I don't got a problem with. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Chronicles of Narnia:
This is a fantasy tale that is very much for the kids but adults will find enjoyment too. There are some funny moments but the real draw is how well the different types of animals are presented onscreen. Sure, everything is very odd, but Narnia I guess is supposed to feel like a kid's imagination run amock. The kids were cast well and give good performances, especially the little girl. There are some real nice epic battle scenes too. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Aeon Flux:
This is a futuristic movie about a world where 99 percent of the world died from a virus and the rest of the people that survived live in one city. The premise already is ridiculous. The movie actually starts out pretty well with some good action and Charlize Theron looking hot but the plot suffers from being way too overcomplicated for it's own good. Not much makes much sense. Overall I thought it was a better movie than that Equilibrium, which seemed liked the same movie. If Charlize was almost naked throughout the whole movie I might give it some marks there, but she's pretty covered up save for a couple of scenes. 2 and a half stars
½
Any Nudity? No.
Doom:
A subpar movie. This is based on the videogame Doom and has a healthy amount of problems. The first might be that practically every enemy was pretty much a zombie, not some super creature... there were big zombies, but nothing was all that special about them. There is this one enemy, a kind of fat doglike thing that was cool, but apart from that, pretty uninspired enemies. The movie is about a group of marines who go to mars to contain a situation involving some scientists and some sort of virus that is mutating them. The movie's really only highlight is the extended first person sequence, it was cool, damned cool, but it wasn't long and when you finally go back to seeing the person who was in first person it's like seeing the temporary bit of fun in the movie evaporate. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Ya, but only a picture.
Murderball:
This is a documentary about wheelchair rugby. All the competitors are quadriplegic in some form. Basically the guys ram into each other with their wheelchairs and pass the ball around trying to score. The movie tells the story of the men well, how they became quadriplegic and what their life is like now. The most interesting part of the movie however is about a former Team USA all-star wheelchair rugby athlete that got cut from the team(after getting old) who then defected to the Canadian team to coach their team on to beat the team that cut him. This movie shows the competitive drive these athletes have and really that they are just like you and I, not that that should come as any shock. It's an uplifting movie and has a lot of good drama. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, some quad sex.
Serenity:
As some of you may know this is the continuation to the tv show Firefly that was on Fox a few years ago. The crew of the Serenity is pretty much intact though they do retell the story of the little girl and her brother getting on board for the first time. One of the things the old show boasted about was the lack of any aliens, but in this movie there are these creatures called reapers that were once human, but now are unholy killing machines who eat people, scar up their bodies and just so happen to have mastered space travel as well. The movie centers around the little girl who is psychic and a killing machine, the goverment, or what passes for the goverment in this future world, sets out to kill this girl and will kill anyone else to get to her. The movie has some cool action sequences and a good deal of laughs. The dialogue is written well and the psychic girl is easily the highlight, she's really hot and has some sweet acrobatic moves. Overall a good movie but it didn't leave me hankering for any sort of sequel. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Four Brothers:
Four Brothers is about four troubled guys raised by a old woman since they were kids. The premise is that these are the only four guys that 'mom' took in that actually ended up in a life of crime anyways. So when Mom gets killed they go on a hunt around the neighbourhood to try to avenge her death. It's a pretty intense movie and is pretty cool. I thought the ending was cheesy though, didn't really fit into the mood of the movie. A little too goofy. I also wish the big tittied latino chick got naked, but she didn't :( 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Transporter 2:
This movie is about a guy who drives a child of some big political figure to and from school. Some people decide they want to kidnap the child and the Transporter, after a wild escape from an evil doctor/mob guys desguised as doctors, decides to basically just hand over the kid for practically no good reason. I guess you need to see the movie to get what I'm talking about, but it was odd. Anyways 'the transporter' basically spends the rest of the movie trying to undo what he could've easily prevented from happening in the first place if he would've just driven up the kid's driveway. There's some cool sequences and the girl villian spent the whole movie in her underwear, and with mascara running down her face, hot. The movie has a few more 'huh?' moments but I won't spoil the movie. Overall it was a cool action movie that I can tell already will get several sequels. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
March of the Penguins:
This is a movie about what penguins have to go through to give birth to their young. It's interesting but nothing was too surprising or shocking. A few penguins die and they go without food for months. The relationship between the mom father and child was interesting and a bit touching in a way. But I found a lot of it dull. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No humans.
Red Eye:
This is a new suspense thriller by Wes Craven. It's basically about a hitman who threatens a girl on a plane that she has to change the room number of a political official, or her father will be killed(she works at the hotel). It's nothing too exciting but it has it's moments. Overall the movie suffers from being too much of a gimmick but it did hold my attention. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Not at all.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo:
This is a pretty aweful movie. How the actors involved looked at this script and thought it was good makes me never want to see anything they are ever part of again. I think they are trying to go for a Airplane or Naked Gun vibe but they so miss the mark. There's a little bit of funny stuff going on in the gigolo frat, but not much. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yup.
The 40 Year Old Virgin:
This movie is a combination of funny and slightly annoying. This virgin has just way too many opportunities before finally doing the deed and you kinda want to slap him for being such a retard for letting those opportunities pass by. I can understand being shy but when you actually get a girl to the bedroom it should be pretty much a done deal, you would think. The three friends provided the majority of the laughs and overall it's a decent comedy. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
The Island:
The Island is about a world where the survivors of a contamination wait around for a trip to an Island that is some sort of paradise. The reality however is they are all clones of real people on the outside world and when they get called up to go to the Island they are actually getting their organs harvested or giving birth to someone's baby, then they are killed. The movie is FULL of holes left and right, there's just so much to pick apart. It is actually pretty fun and interesting but it's sometimes hard to suspend disbelief. You begin to ask yourself questions like, why is there so little security? What's to stop the workers from telling the truth? Why is that mercenary not even flinching when he sees his comrades dying left and right? just on and on. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Dukes of Hazzard:
This is a really dumb and stupid movie. It's really more for people that remember the old show because there isn't much here for people new to the series. Jessica Simpson, as horrid a actress as she is, is about the only highlight of the movie, she's in the movie so little that when she actually makes a appearance it's sorta refreshing to see her sexy self. Johnny Knoksville, William Scott, Willie Nelson, Burt Reynolds are all horribly cast. They all delivery horrible and awkward performances. The General Lee car chases are kinda cool, but unfortunately some dumb dialogue is mixed into it. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Land of the Dead:
This is an interesting movie. It presents a world that has had zombies around for so long that eventually the zombies try to revert back into some normalcy by trying to do whatever they used to do before they died. There's this one very aware zombie that basically leads the zombies on and even picks up a gun to shoot with. The living people meanwhile have set up a sort of civilization for themselves where a crime lord controls a big luxury building. So what ends up happening is there's this whole drama between the crime lord and a couple of his cronies whilst the zombies attempt to use what's left of their brain for doing more than just walking slowly, and staring off into the distance. It's a OK movie, kinda felt a bit cheesy at times. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Stealth:
If you miss the days of movies like 'Short Circuit', this is the movie for you. The movie is REALLY goofy, and another dose of hollywood trying to convince the world that machines with artificial intelligence will screw us royally. There are some cool sequences but the plot is so bad. Basically there is a love story between two of the pilots amid a rogue robot stealth fighter with the standard evil corrupt politicial to shake things up. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Hustle and Flow:
This movie is about a pimp who tries to make it in the rap game. This ain't the luxurious pimp you are used to, this is a down on his luck pimp living day to day in a shithole, though it's no surprise since he's pimping his hoes for 20 dollars a trick. Anyways it's an interesting movie and the lead actor has a funny way of speaking, kinda a pimp scarface. The movie I thought spent too much time in the recording room but the last 20 minutes or so were real good. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes.
Devils Rejects:
This is the sequel to Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses which was a cool movie but also a blatant Texas Chainsaw Massacre ripoff. But Corpses had some deffinate cool characters which return for this movie. In this movie the cops finally unleash the heat on the house, instead of the two person squad from the last movie. I won't get into too many specifics about what happens in the movie, but there is some brutality by 'the devils rejects' and one cop is the brother of one of the cops killed in the previous movie and decides to treat the devils like they treat their victims. Overall I'd say there was some uncomfortable dialogue. Rob Zombie is deffinately growing as a director, but some of his script writting needs a bit of work. Slow motion I also thought was used too often. But then again, for a 7 million dollar budget I guess he could only do so much. I would say I liked this about as much as 1000 Corpses, neither are superb, but if you are a bit of a sick bastard, you'll enjoy yourself. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yep, a bunch!
Wedding Crashers:
This movie is really funny. The dialogue is sharp and for the most part it's a fun movie. The two wedding crashers basically act like a couple over enthusiastic people the whole time, basically becoming the life of the party of the parties they crash. There's a lot of great naked breasts in the film, very nice. Eventually the two guys get sidetracked be some political guy's daughters and one of them thinks he is in love. The problem is the girl he's in love with is involved so he tries to find a way around that. The movie is crewd and deffinately not for the kids. Deffinately a lot better than I was expecting it to be. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Cube Zero:
This is the sequel to the previous, trapped in a box, Cube films, though more so a sequel to the first, since it ignores most of the odd stuff brought up in the previous film. The movie again is about some people trapped in a series of cubes who don't know how they got there and try to find some way out while trying to avoid the sadistic traps that would kill them. This time however you also see what's happening in the control room, to see what the people overseeing this odd torture device are doing. For the most part you get to learn a lot more about the 'why?' and 'what?' of this whole cube-iverse. It was deffinately nice to see that yet another Cube movie got released, and frankly, I could see a lot more of them, they really are fun and cool movies. This movie I give 3 and a half stars to.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Fantastic Four:
This movie is kinda fun. Some of the relationship stuff was uncomfortable, and Johny Storm while a bit of an ass, is probably the best character. I thought they really ruined the Thing, apart from his horrible look, they just forced too much of his sadness about being so grotesque looking, I just wasn't buying any of it. They have some fun with the fact Jessica Alba has to get naked to become completely invisible, which is hot. Overall the movie is average, it doesn't make you want to see a sequel. But it has some entertaining parts. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Invisible nudity :(
War of the Worlds:
This movie starts out really well, to the point you are wrapped up in the story and forget that the aliens are about to invade. Then they do and it is cool for awhile. But eventually you just keep seeing the same thing everywhere, rather than a bunch of different cool alien creatures/machines and the ending... wow, there's so much to be said about that, but I won't ruin the movie. The movie is a lot like Signs in many ways, which is a lot of the problem. Some things crucial to the plot are just ignored so we can keep following around Tom Cruise. Basically the openning half, phenomenal, the second half, kinda blew. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No nudity.
Mr and Mrs Smith:
This is a fun movie, it's got some good action and some nice dialogue between the Smiths. The movie is about a married couple who both happen to be spies on opposite sides of...something, I'm not sure what. Eventually they realize they have to kill one another and some shooting and hilarity ensues. Angelina Jolie manages to be insanely hot throughout, 3 stars.
Any Nudity? None.
Batman Begins:
I'll be honest, I was already sick of Batman before seeing this movie. This movie is decent, has an ok story and some good flashbacks but overall this movie has a been there done that feel to it. Scarecrow was a good villain and the cast was altogether ok. I thought Christian Bale was a deffinate low point, also I thought the Batman costume was kinda ugly. Not a bad movie, just a tired premise. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith:
Well it's over, for me at least. This is where it all goes down, jedis die, and Darth Vadar rises. The movie is action packed with some sparce dialogue to keep you from having a aneurism. The robots move around in a cartoon like manner this time around, but it works. There's some funny bits here and there, that are actually funny. The Wookie part is REALLY brief, if you are expecting a lot of wookie screen time, think again. The lightsaber battles are the highlight here, they rock. How Anakin turns to the dark side is done well, though maybe done in a standard 'how the good guy gets tricked into being evil' way. General Grievous, the lightsaber weilding robot is a cool character, though I think you have to have watched those clone wars cartoons to get why he's cool. As for how this ranks against the other Star Wars movies. I dunno, I still think empire strikes back beats this one, honestly, I expected most of what happened to happen, so it killed a lot of the drama. But if you have a bit of the dark side in you, you'll love the dark turn of this episode. And really, it's not like you ain't gonna see this movie if I say it isn't good, but it's good, it's very good. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Unleashed:
This movie is very cool. It's about a guy(Jet Li) who is raised as a attack dog to do a mob boss's bidding. He spends the first part of the movie just going NUTS on people after the mob boss takes off his dog collar, basically killing everyone. After something happens a blind man takes him under his wing and tries to cure him. Overall the movie is consistently good and has just the right amount of both violence and emotion. Of course if Jet Li was raised by a british guy since age four he shouldn't have a asian accent, but you kinda have to suspend disbelief on that. 4 and a half stars!
½
Any Nudity? I think so, yes.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
This is a pretty funny movie. It plays out like the non-earth people are pretty much used to the universe and are a little bored by it. You almost feel sleepy looking at how laid back everyone is. There's a bunch of cool sequences and some typical british-style humor. Just think of Monty Python in space and you have a pretty good idea of what to expect. Zooey is looking hot, but unfortunately doesn't show much. 3 and a half stars
½
Any Nudity? No.
Sahara:
This is basically a Indiana Jones ripoff. I do not know how this movie cost 130 million dollars to make, since I could've done with a lot more special effects. It's a very low key movie with a bunch of over the top personalities that were pretty annoying. Penelope Cruz though wasn't that annoying, there's something about her voice that is damned hot. A lot about this movie is too convenient, including the end, most of the progress the group made was sheer dumb luck. The movie wasn't all bad, but the bad outweighed the good. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Fever Pitch:
This movie was a bit better than I was expecting. Drew Barrymore though is as annoying as ever. Jimmy Fallon has some odd lines, they almost come across like he's back reading cue cards at SNL. Anyways, the movie is basically about a die hard Red Sox fan, though the whole red sox winning the world seies ends up being an afterthought. The movie was funny but it's more of a date movie than anything. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Kung Fu Hustle:
This movie is made by the same people behind Shaolin Soccer, maybe one of my favorite movies ever, and contains some of the same cast. I thought this movie started out very strong with some cool stuff happening, but I thought it dragged the further into the movie you went. The movie is basically about people with some out of this world powers, it's sorta like crouching tiger times 1000, it all comes across as some kind of video game with supermoves and the whole bit. The sequence with the guitar was damn nice. It's hard to describe this movie since it is fairly bizzare but I thought it lost some of it's fun near the end. I coulda done with another dance routine, or something :) I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Sin City:
This is a damn good movie. Most movies have one badass character, this has about five of them. This is a superhero comic movie ripped right from the comic pages, not this mass produced hack job you tend to see these days. This movie is funny too, in fact there's this one part that literally the whole theatre keeled over in laughter. This movie is basically about a series of hero characters trying to do what's right, it sort of plays out as three seperate stories, but they are interconnected somewhat. There's a lot of brutality and killing. The movie is black and white, but there are splashing of color to highlight a few things. Overall it's one of the best movies I've seen in awhile. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, there's a lot of great nudity in here, like Carla Gugino looking fucking awesome nude! 5 stars!
Any Nudity? Yes, a lot of great titties.
Robots:
Robin Williams is really the highlight pf this film, he's the only character that's consistently funny. Most of the other characters were fairly dull and I really don't get why there was a actor for every voice, just got distracting. The movie has some cool sequences but overall it's not anything that special. Most of the jokes were lame and the plot is just too by the books. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? err, no.
Ray:
This is the story of Ray Charles. Pretty much you find out he was a junky and cheated on his wife. It was interesting seeing how Ray functioned in the world being blind, but the movie just isn't that entertaining. It plays a bit too much like a documentary, which I guess is what it is. Jamie Foxx did do a good job though. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou:
This movie is odd but it's funny and kinda cool. This is sort of a spoof of a nature program in a way. Sort of a behind the scenes of a Crocodile Hunter type show, except this focuses on aquatic life. It goes off in some weird directions that I found entertaining and there's this matter of fact attitude to the characters that works. One thing that annoyed me though was the accent on Owen Wilson, probably one of the worst accents I've ever heard. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? There wasn't.
Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior:
This is a Jackie Chan style film, though Jackie Chan deffinately does more impressive things. But whoever the lead actor is in this he does have some cool moves, and he throws one mean elbow to the head. The story is basically about a religous culture getting the head of some statue stolen from them and they get the 'thai warrior' to go to the city to get it back. There are some cool fights, some setup in a fight club type setup. There are some funny moments and the characters are pretty good. The story though tends to not be as strong near the end and the movie does tend to drag a bit. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Chronicles of Riddick:
Riddick is a pretty cool character. Granted, the story makes little sense and nothing is explained, but if you accept the world for what it is this movie is actually pretty entertaining. The female version of Riddick was pretty cool too. Overall I thought it was a great looking movie with some great action sequences. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Aviator:
A pretty good movie. This is the story of Howard Hughes, film director, plane maker, OCD nut. I was a lot more entertained than I expected to be, the old time way of talking was funny to hear and it's interesting to see Howard push whacky ideas while investing tons of his own money only to see most of it come through for him. It's inspirational, but also a bit sad as you watch Howard Hughes get consumed by his OCD disorders. It's a looong movie but I thought the best part was near the end of the film during the senate hearings. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Assault on Precinct 13:
This is a pretty decent action movie. It's basically about a group of crooked cops trying to kill everyone in a precinct to save their good name. It's pretty ludicrous, but it has some cool sequences and events that keep the movie going at a good pace. Overall I thought the cast of characters were good and it was a fun movie to sit through. There were some gruesome deaths too. Laurence Fishburn I thought was the low point of the film, he's supposed to be this big bad ass bad guy but he didn't look or sound the part. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Elektra:
Not that good. My biggest problem with the film was they had some cool enemies but they ALL died in the most unimpressive of ways. Just an uninventive movie with no originality. 1 star.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
This is one odd movie, some kind of acid trip. It reminds me of Being John Malkovich. It basically shows what's going on in the head of the Jim Carey character as his mind is being erased trying to forget about a girl and him realizing during the good memories that he doesn't want all his memories erased. It's just odd. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Some see-through with Kirsten Dunst.
Million Dollar Baby:
This movie is alright. It's about a girl boxer and a stodgy trainer/cut man. It was kinda boring in parts but the boxing bits were cool. It's basically a tug at your heart strings type of drama. Not that great, but it has a fairly interesting story. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Meet the Fockers:
The Fockers are basically the exact opposite of the Robert Deniro character. The movie has some funny parts and plays off some stuff from the first movie. Altogether though I thought the movie was a bit too uncomfortable. The Ben Stiller character is just annoying. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Almost.
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle:
This is deffinately a movie for stoners, about stoners. It's funny and does leave you craving some White Castle, except the catch for me is, there isn't a White Castle in my country(Canada) that I know of. oh well. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? A nice topless scene.
The Butterfly Effect:
This movie was a bit better than expected. Though one thing I didn't like was the whole pedophile angle, way too many films these days have that in the film. But apart from that I thought it ended fairly well and it was pretty interesting to see the main character slowly twist the world around him. It did drag in parts and Aston Kucher isn't exactly the best actor in the world. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Ali G: In Da House:
This movie, well it's just bad. I really like the Ali G show but this movie is often painful to sit through. Bad plot, barely any laughs. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, but not good nudity.
The Incredibles:
Another Pixar movie, this time with superheroes. This movie is basically a comedic Fantastic Four movie. It has some pretty cool action sequences and humans actually die, which is surprising in a kids movie. It's also fairly funny. I recommend it. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Team America: World Police:
Team America is pretty funny, it basically pokes fun at celebrity anti-war protestors and shows Team America basically not caring about any other country but america. It gets into some issues that may annoy some people, but it's basically just a ridiculous and sophmoric film that has a few laughs. And the puppets weren't too creepy... but they were a little creepy. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Puppet Nudity.
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow:
This is a movie about a semi futuristic world that is actually set in the 40s. It looks pretty cool and does have some cool moments. It does tend to drag near the end though. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Negative.
G.I.JOE: Valor vs. Venom::
This is a new computer animated GiJoe Movie. I was a huge fan of the old cartoon and movie so I of course had to check out this new dvd. The computer animation for the most part looks cool, but some characters, like Destro, look particularly bad. Unfortunately the storyline of this movie is just not very good. Plus it's way too pg. The only enemies that die are in fact robots, and there's this whole paintball thing that was lame as hell. Also the new 'superenemy' just looked terrible. One thing I didn't get is that they never used the old gijoe theme song for some odd reason, instead they used lame rock tunes. Overall I recommend this for the hardcore fans, but overall it's a subpar film. I just hope this leads to a regular gijoe cartoon series on television. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Negative.
Shaun of the Dead:
This is a comedy about how the stupid people deal with a zombie attack. It's kinda funny, but not consistently funny. In fact, if you've seen the trailer, most of the funny parts are in there. I give this 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Not a bit.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse:
This is a pretty good movie. Though some things border on ludicrous. But most of that can be reasoned by the fact Umbrella is run by complete lunatics. The ending is extra odd, but I won't get into that. The girl playing Jill Valentine is so fucking hot. Her face is quite striking. I give this 3 and 3 quarter stars.
¾
Any Nudity? Yep! Some nice nudity.
Hero:
When did slow paced become a good thing? I can't tell you the amount of 5 star(according to other critics) bore fests I've seen. This movie is beautiful, there's no question, but if you think there will be a lot of great action sequences you are mistaken. There are two very cool parts, the arrows, and the two person kill fest through the palace, but the rest is either way too slow dialogue, or way too artsy and slow-motion fighting where I guess the intent is to make us gush with emotions. You may like this, but I didn't. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Open Water:
This is a low budget shark movie. It's basically about two people left in open water after a mistake by someone. It's not that great. I give this 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Super Size Me:
This is a documentary about a guy who ate nothing but McDonalds for a month. It basically tries to make the obvious point that fast food is unhealthy. The main 'beef' I have with this movie is the guy overdid it. He clearly ate more than he would've otherwise the first few days, essentially gorging himself, which completely messes up his so called research. He also couldn't have anything non Mcdonalds, including aspirin for headaches, which is a little over the top. I'm sure he could've skipped the shakes, the sundaes, the double burgers. But I guess he wanted to make sure he was REALLY unhealthy by the end of it, not just pretty unhealthy. The movie just isn't that entertaining when it comes down to it. I give this 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Napoleon Dynamite:
This movie is pretty funny. It's also very very odd. I give this 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Alien vs. Predator:
(warning, this review is spoiler filled)This should've been called Alien vs. Predator and friend. The setup to this movie is horrible and there is NO obvious winner. It seems Alien can kill predator in hand to hand, but predator with gun can take out alien. But predator with human friend? goodnight alien! Ok, I gave away the entire movie. So sue me, but the movie just ain't good. With no humans this mighta had potential, but with them, junk. 1 and a half stars.